Saturday, June 5, 2010

DUMBEST SURVIVORS OF ALL TIME

To be fair it's not easy to think strait while you're starving and not sleeping much. Still there are some Survivors who have made moves that were beyond stupid.

UPDATED 7-22-12
Congratulations are in order to Christie, Sarge, John Fincher, and Dan who move 4 spots down the list as the last two seasons have had an unprecedented number of brain damaged contestants.  Sorry Erik but you're still number 1.

14 Christie Smith AMAZON
As the first handicapped Survivor, Christie started out as being my favorite Survivor. However towards the end she got a big head and started throwing her weight around camp, which ended up getting her quickly voted out. In her final interview she was crying as she swore that her wicked step sisters (Jenna and Heidi) would not win the million dollars and then she VOTED for Jenna to win the million over Matthew!

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13 Sarge VANUATU
Had the brilliant strategy to make his team weaker by voting out the best tribe members first. Apparently he thought the merge would come by day 6.

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12 John Fincher SAMOA
Concedes that there are “tons of inherent risks” in voting against his tribe right after the merge. Then he proceeds to go after his own tribe members, opening the door for Russell to decimate John’s tribe. Additionally, out of 18 jury members to hear Russell Hantz’s case to win Survivor, Fincher is one of only two to be stupid enough to vote for him, the other being BIMBO. Nuff Said.

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11 Dan Lue AMAZON
Dan Lue forever ended the myth that all Asians are smart. This musclehead is dumber then Joe Millionaire.

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10 Kat Edorsson ONE WORLD
Oh boy!  What can I say about Kat?  In her final episode she says she's not going to worry about being strategic while playing survivor AND that blindsides were fun and exciting, moments before being blindsided.















9 Billy Garcia COOK ISLANDS
His tribe actually threw a challenge to get rid of this knucklehead. Then at tribal council he foolishly proclaims his love for rival tribe member Candice Woodcock, who he had barely spoken to, but he actually thought she loved him too!

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8 Ian Rosenberger PALAU
Definitely the dumbest person to make the final three. Among other things, when they were down to four he actually told his ally and current possessor of immunity, Tom that he considered voting him out if Tom hadn’t won immunity.

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7 John Cochran SOUTH PACIFIC
Like Dan did with Asians, John forever ended the myth that all nerds are smart.  Deluded himself into believing he was a great strategic survivor mastermind, in reality this geek didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.  He actually thought it would be a good idea to screw over an alliance that saved his ass more then once, and in the process go from sixth place to seventh place. 
"Ozzy took a bullet for Cochran" (Dalton Ross) not to mention entrusted him with the idol.  Then as soon a Ozzy returns from redemption island John procedes to target Ozzy and is the only jury member not to applaud Ozzy when he is finally eliminated from the game.  As Jim said at the reunion, "he's not a student of the game, either that or he can't count, because you need 5 votes to win and you can't win after screwing over 5 jury members".













6 Brandon Hantz SOUTH PACIFIC
Even dumber then his uncle but at least not as diabolical.  He thanked Jesus when he got eliminated from the game because he doesn't believe in free will.   That means he can't be mad at me for putting him on this countdown because as Survivor recapper Dalton Ross said "it MUST be God's will for me to write about what a lunkhead he is".













5 Bimbo SAMOA
Where do I begin? Dave said it best when he pondered the question “did your momma drop you on your head”!Photobucket

4 James Clement CHINA
Got voted out of China with TWO immunity idols in his pocket.Photobucket

3 Men Tribe ONE WORLD
Colton, Matt, Mike, Leif, Jonas, Jay, Bill, Tarzan, and TROYZAN!  It was a sad day for men everywhere when these knuckleheads were chosen to represent us on the 24th season of Survivor.  The only tribe in Survivor history to GIVE UP immunity AFTER winning a challenge!  Soon afterwards they quickly became decimated by the women, which led to a first ever final 5 of women.  For the record there has NEVER been a final 4 of all men, but the women have done it twice!














2 Tyson Apostle TOCANTINS
This moron, I mean Mormon, completely ruined Heroes Vs Villains by inexplicably changing his vote to Parvati instead of Russell. This monumental bonehead move led to Boston Rob and his alliance's downfall. At least it did lead to the greatest tribal council in history when the jury slammed Russell.

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1 Erik Reichenbach FANS VS FAVORITES
I know Survivor audiences voted for JT’s bonehead move over Erik’s giving up immunity to Natalie but I think that may have been because JT’s move was fresher in their minds. Parvati said it best when she was voting Erik out and proclaimed “you’re going to go down in history as the dumbest Survivor of all time”.

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